"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
