I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
