I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
