If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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