I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
