She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
