he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
