And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
worst night to have a conscience
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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