New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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