Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
