Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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