Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
