Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
