Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
