When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
