I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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