Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize