words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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