you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
