those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
