You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
