Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize