Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
