dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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