I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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