Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
