I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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