Cold hands, warm shart.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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