I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
