When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
