I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
