I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
