I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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