so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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