i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
