she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
