i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
