dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Come on in and take your pants off
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