1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
