all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
