idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
