Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
