i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
