the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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