i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
