? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My cat gives me a boner
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
