I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what day is it and did you see me today?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
