Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
