woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
