Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
