My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We need to rekindle our bromance
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
