I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
