So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
