u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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