I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
