Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
