she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
