There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
