You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
