my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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