Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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