It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
