He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
