We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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