I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
