My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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