If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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