Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
