What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
