I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
