its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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