yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
