i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
