Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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