bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ruined the universe
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