between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
