3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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